The Commander
by SouthOfFerelden
Summary: Lady Pentaghast knows her friend Commander Cullen is suffering during his withdrawals from Lyrium and fighting his feelings for her, even though she is happy and in a relationship with his friend The Inquisitor. When the group head to Crestwood with Cullen in tow and The Inquisitor is hurt, The Seeker has to get everyone home.


"Promise me Cassandra.." Commander Cullen says raising his voice, suddenly standing close to her. "Promise me you will stop me" He says again grabbing hold of her arms. Cassandra flinches at his touch making Cullen drop his hands quickly looking ashamed.

"Maybe I should get The Inquisitor.." The Seeker says quietly looking at her friend and then to the door, she was feeling uncomfortable seeing Commander Cullen try and fight his personal demons, especially with no around to help if things turned.

"No" Cullen shouts again "Please don't tell him." He adds moving to block the door so she can't fetch Lord Trevelyan. "I told him I could handle this, I told him I wouldn't let it interfere with my position in The Inquisition" Cullen sobs pressing his back against the door. "But if I lose control.." He groans rubbing his head in pain "If I hurt you.." Cassandra sees his eyes meet hers and he is moving back into her space again.

"Cullen.." Cassandra sighs backing away from him slightly.

"Are you afraid of me? Afraid to be in a room with me?" He asks searching her face; Cassandra looks down to the floor shaking her head. She wasn't afraid of him, they were friends, he had been a comfort to her when she needed him most and she had to do the same for him.

"No Cullen, I'm not afraid" Cassandra reaches out to place her hand on his shoulder in a reassuring gesture. "I will make sure nothing happens to you," She adds squeezing him as he looks at her again.

"You know the signs Seeker. If you see me falter, if you see anything that isn't Me.." Cullen says weakly "You must stop me" He sighs again bringing his hand up to her face. Cassandra freezes under his touch. "Promise me you won't tell him the true battle I'm fighting"

"I can't promise that, I can't keep things from him" Cassandra says quietly looking in the Commanders sad eyes. "But I promise I will keep an eye on you" She adds placing her hand over his, his eyes brighten before she removes it from her cheek. The Commander wraps his gloved fingers around her hand again so she cant move away.

"Let us hope that is enough" Cullen says removing his hand from hers stepping back from her slightly, a look of guilt plastered all over his pale face. He had placed his hands on her far more than was acceptable for a friend.

"Lord Trevelyan wont let anything happen to you either" Cassandra says giving him a weak smile. Lord Trevelyan wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea of Commander Cullen comforting his Seeker in the previous days but he was still his friend.

"Lord Trevelyan cares for you alone" The Commander replies dropping his eyes to the floor. "He would not care for the way that I touch you however Lady Cassandra" He was right, the Inquisitor would not care to know of the way that The Commander had held her when she cried or touched her in the darkened room right now. Cullen moves to stand in front of the door again knowing this conversation would still make her flee.

"Aren't you afraid he will find out?" Cassandra asks him, she tries to move past him to get through the door but the Commander blocks the way. He just shakes his head stepping out of her way.

"Will you tell him?" The Commander asks meeting her eyes with his again.

"I'll see you later Cullen" Cassandra replies giving her friend a weak smile. He drops his eyes again nodding; he opens the door for her letting her leave.

-

"If we can make it to the forward camp, we can find out why we have lost contact with the scouts" The Inquisitor says leaning over the War Table. "I think at this time a small group would draw less attention to our presence, we don't want to lose anyone else in there.. Agreed?" He asks looking around the table at his advisors. Lady Pentaghast sees that his eyes move from Commander Cullen, to Spy Master Leliana and to Ambassador Josephine to get their response.

"Agreed" Leliana says nodding, Cassandra knew that she was already concerned about the lack of contact from some of her scouts and feared the worst. The Seeker diverts her eyes to him knowing she would be next under his gaze, when he turns his attention to her she feels him linger on her longer the others making her flush slightly. She notices the smile tug at the corner of his lips as he looks back down to the war table, she loved that smile.

"I will make contact with the families in the area so they are aware of your arrival" Josephine smiles making a note on her parchment, she looks up glancing between The Seeker and The Inquisitor shaking her head.

"Lady Pentaghast and I will head out with two others.." He begins again gripping the edge of the table in his hands pushing himself back from it. "Solas knows the area and Iron Bull would be useful if we come up against any resistance" Lord Trevelyan looks to Cassandra again who notices the look in his eye, it had been a few days since they had been out of Skyhold and he was obviously eager to stretch his legs.

"Inquisitor.." Cassandra diverts her eyes away from her lover when she hears Commander Cullen's voice and turns to look at him. "If it wouldn't be too much trouble," The Commander continues. Cassandra feels her heart drop, she had a feeling this would happen sooner or later "I would like to accompany you"

Cassandra glances at The Inquisitor seeing the slight frown in his brow, things had not been the same between The Commander and The Inquisitor since Cassandra had packed her bags to leave the Inquisition to become the Divine and had been supported by Cullen in a moment of sadness. The Seeker had told Lord Trevelyan that Cullen had comforted her but Commander Cullen didn't know that and was unsure why his friend was cool with him. Of course Cassandra hadn't told The Inquisitor the true nature of Cullen's support, that would only cause trouble at the War Table.

"Are you certain?" The Inquisitor asks, he looks over to Cassandra who finds something interesting to look at on the map.

"Yes" The Commander nods "It's been a while since I had the chance to get out there" He says with a smile "I am a soldier after all. I would like to make a difference out there" He adds, Cassandra watches him place his hands on his hips as if trying to show his masculinity.

"If you think you can afford to be away from your men.." The Inquisitor says coolly before giving him a weak smile. Cassandra knew her Inquisitor wouldn't want to take Cullen with them, mostly because he was still annoyed that his friend had been encouraging The Seeker to leave. She sees Cullen face change to a look of disappointment.

"If you would rather I stay here." The Commander says quietly looking to Cassandra for her help. Cassandra diverts her eyes from Cullen, not wanting to add fuel to a fire that was already threatening to get out of control. The Seeker felt bad for not encouraging The Inquisitor to allow Cullen to accompany them.

"No" The Inquisitor finally huffs. "I would welcome your help Commander. Your skill and knowledge on the battlefield is second to only Lady Pentaghast" The Inquisitor adds casting his gaze to her again. Cassandra blushes at his words, he knew all about her skills elsewhere too.

"Then its agreed" The Commander says banging his hand against the war table. "To work.." He says beaming. Cassandra looks down at her boots rolling her eyes slightly, The Commander was her friend, a very very good friend but his timing was terrible.

"Anything else?" The Inquisitor asks looking around the table again, when everyone shakes their head he nods. "Good, Leliana you know what to do. Commander, prepare yourself to head out" He adds stepping away from the table.

Cassandra looks at Cullen giving him a small smile that he returns, she couldn't help but notice how pleased he looked to be going out with them. The Inquisitor moves to leave the War Room, he takes The Seeker's hand guiding her towards the door having her walk with him.

"Inquisitor" Cullen bows his head as a farewell; he turns his attention to Cassandra "Lady Pentaghast" He says quietly watching them leave the room. Cassandra leans into her lovers shoulder when he wraps his arm around her waist as they walk.

"Why would he want to come with us?" Lord Trevelyan whispers to her, trying to make sure that they aren't overheard as they walk. He pushes the door holding it open for her.

"Maybe he is feeling cooped up here" Cassandra replies stepping into the Great Hall. The Seeker knew what it felt like to be stuck at Skyhold knowing that the others were out in the field. But that had been more about her feelings for The Inquisitor and not wanting to be apart from him and her concern for his safety rather than feeling bored and in need of some action outside the walls. "Is he taking Lyrium again?" The Seeker asks him, he turns to look at her shrugging slightly.

"I don't think so" The Inquisitor replies "I talked him out of it when he was considering it a few days ago" He adds. "He said he was dealing with it and could handle it" The Inquisitor says giving her a concerned look "He said you were going to keep an eye on him"

"We are trained as Templar's to spot the signs of dangerous Lyrium withdrawals" Cassandra says trying to reassure him. "I can make sure he is safe," She adds catching his eyes "He'll be fine" He gives her a weak smile. Cassandra wraps her arm around his waist as they walk.

"I want you to keep me informed" The Inquisitor says as he presses a kiss to her temple.

"Of course" Cassandra smiles at him, she didn't want to keep her meeting with Cullen a secret but the Commander had yet to give her reason to tell her Inquisitor. Until he slipped up Cassandra was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Cassandra watches as Commander Cullen steps past the pair heading through the main doors of Skyhold and no doubt back to his quarters.

"Maybe some time out of Skyhold will do him some good.." The Inquisitor says as they reach the door to their quarters.

"I know it always does me some good," Cassandra says smiling at him. The Seeker loved their time together away from Skyhold, she loved to feel like they were making a difference and showing people all the good the Inquisition could do. Lady Pentaghast also enjoyed exploring new places with her Inquisitor and sneaking moments away with him.

"I'll meet you in the yard" The Inquisitor says leaning in to kiss her gently on the forehead before pushing open their door, heading upstairs to get their things ready to leave.

-

It was raining in Crestwood and the group had been walking in it for hours trying to reach the forward camp, the dark and torrential downpour was making their progress slow and uncomfortable. Cassandra shivers as a bright flash of lightning crackles in the sky followed by a loud rumble of thunder; it was right above them and showed no sign of letting up. The Seeker rubs her arms trying to get some warmth into them and her cold hands.

"Maybe we should make camp" The Inquisitor turns to look at her, shouting to her having to raise his voice so he isn't drowned out by the storm. The Seeker nods knowing talking would be difficult. He is suddenly at her side again wrapping his arm around her pulling her against his body.

"We need to find a shelter," Cassandra shouts to him leaning into his warmth. The Seeker watches as The Inquisitor peels off his soaked leather coat wrapping it around her shoulders giving her an extra layer of warmth. Cassandra glances up to see that Commander Cullen has stopped moving and is watching them.

"Cullen, can you see anywhere to camp?" The Inquisitor shouts catching him watching them. Cullen's eyes move away from them and begin scanning the cliff for an overhang that they can shelter under until the storm passes.

"There" Solas shouts pointing to a cave that has been naturally carved out of the cliff face.

"Good job Solas" The Inquisitor shouts, as the weather roars around them. Cassandra feels him take her hand leading her towards the cliffs; The Seeker brings her arm up to her face shielding her face from the rain. The Seeker glances back to make sure that the rest of the group are following them, she sees Commander Cullen look up at her walking faster to catch up with them. The Iron Bull follows along behind not seeming to be too bothered by the weather, he keeps looking up to the sky and cheering every time there is a rumble of thunder

"Everyone inside" Cassandra shouts as they reach the mouth of the cave, she waves them all in until they are all crouched inside and out of the worst of the storm. The Seeker looks around the cave, it was small, but big enough that they would be able to get some sleep and keep out of the rain.

"Is everyone okay?" The Inquisitor asks looking between his companions. The Iron Bull grunts a positive reply as he makes himself comfortable at the mouth of the cave so he can continue to watch the storm. Solas nods weakly as he kneels down and begins trying to get a fire lit with the sparks from his fingers.

"You're soaked, Inquisitor" Cassandra says to him noticing that he is now soaked through to the skin from lending her his coat. She moves to him rubbing her hands on his arms feeling how cold he is, he wraps his arms around her waist enjoying the small amount of warmth from her.

"We need to get that fire going" Cullen says shaking his head making the water drip from his hair. Cassandra watches as he shrugs off his cloak and unbuckles his armored chest plate casting it aside. He moves to kneel next to Solas helping him gather together anything that they could find that was dry and flammable. "You need to remove any wet clothes or you'll freeze" The Commander adds glancing up at Cassandra.

"Not until that fire is.." Cassandra begins, before she is cut off by the fire bursting to life. Solas drops more branches and dry grass onto it trying to keep it alive, when he is satisfied that the fire is going to stay he moves to the side dropping to sit down next to it.

"Fire" Solas mumbles drawing his coat tighter around his body; he clearly wasn't going to be taking Cullen's advice and taking any wet clothes off. Cassandra watches him tug a blanket out of his pack wrapping it around his shoulders.

The Seeker pulls at the sleeves of The Inquisitors coat that is wrapped around her and removes it, she lays it out on a rock close to the fire hoping that it will dry quickly now they have some warmth and shelter. She glances at Cullen as he moves past them further into the cave beginning to unlace his boots, taking them off to let them dry out.

"This isn't how I imagined we would spend our night," The Inquisitor says snapping her attention away from the Commander and back to him. Cassandra gives him a little smile, she knew that if they had made it to the camp or were back at Skyhold by now they would have been undressing each other for a very different and more enjoyable reason.

"Not much privacy for us" Cassandra whispers nodding towards the others in the cave. The Inquisitor smiles again catching her eyes. "Don't suggest it," She adds laughing as he gives her an innocent smile. The Seeker places her hands on his shoulders sliding them down to the buttons on his shirt helping him undress. The Inquisitor moves his hands to her coat helping her slip it from her shoulders.

"I'll get us a blanket" He says quietly walking to his pack, he kneels down retrieving a blanket of his own before moving back to where she waits for him. He throws it around her shoulders pulling her against him. "Better?" He asks trying to warm her up.

Cassandra nods giving him a thankful smile, she pulls away from his arms reaching down to unbuckle and kick her own boots off. She stands them up next to the fire seeing that they have quite a collection starting, The Inquisitor places his next to hers and settles down on the floor next to the fire. Cassandra glances out of the cave at the storm raging outside, it didn't seem to be letting up.

"Room for me, Inquisitor?" Cassandra asks looking down at him. He pats the space next to him on the floor leaning his back against the cave wall. Cassandra lowers herself to the cave floor next to him wriggling as close as she can to his side, Lord Trevelyan wraps his arm around her drawing her against him. The Seeker wraps the blanket around her shoulders around him too sharing their body heat. The Inquisitor leans closer to her so she can hear him without having to talk too loudly.

"Do you think he is okay?" The Inquisitor asks her looking over to Commander Cullen who is relieving himself of more pieces of his steal armor. Cassandra follows his lead and glances at Cullen too.

"Maybe we should have asked him to stay at Skyhold" Cassandra whispers back to him resting her head against his shoulder. "I'm sure he is fine, if he told you he was," She adds turning to face him more shivering.

"Just keep an eye on him" The Inquisitor says with a yawn, he brings his hand up to his mouth covering it as he does. He cuddles her closer to him trying to keep her from shivering. "You should get some sleep Cass, I'll keep watch," The Inquisitor says resting his head against hers.

"I'm fine; it is you that has been cutting us through and scouting ahead. Your pack is also the heaviest" Cassandra says to rubbing her hand against his cheek soothing him. "You get a couple of hours and we can swap" She adds smiling as he brushes his lips against her affectionately.

The Seeker leans against him in his arms feeling him begin to relax next to her. Cassandra places her hand over his smoothing the skin beneath her fingers, she glances up when she hears Commander Cullen move back to the join them at the fire.

"I don't want to leave you awake on your own" The Inquisitor mumbles sleepily pulling the blanket tighter around them. Cassandra blushes slightly when she feels Cullen's eyes on them.

"I'll take first watch, you two get some shut eye," The Commander says giving Cassandra a warm smile.

"Are you sure Cullen?" Cassandra whispers to the Commander looking up at him seeing how tired he seems. He gives her a weak smile as he settles himself down on the floor stretching his legs out in front of him.

"It's just been a long day" Cullen replies "But I'm feeling restless so I'll stay up and keep watch. You two are used to sleeping out in this, but I've grown accustomed to my bed inside my warm and dry room" Cullen smiles at her again. "I promise I'll wake you when I need sleep" He adds leaning his back against the cave wall to get comfortable.

"Thank you Cullen" Lord Trevelyan gives his friend a genuine smile as The Inquisitor resigns himself to getting a few hours of rest. He leans his head against Cassandra again as The Seeker wraps her arms around him tighter.

"Goodnight Cullen" Cassandra says quietly letting herself relax in the comfort and warmth of her lovers arm. She glances at the fire feeling her eyes heavy from the exertion of the day.

"Goodnight Cassandra" She hears Cullen whisper.

-

"Seeker!" Cassandra's eyes fly open where she suddenly hears shouting; it takes her a few moments to work out that she isn't in the comfort of their quarters in Skyhold and that she is laying on the floor of a cold cave. The Seeker sits up as Solas grabs her shoulders shaking her awake. "Seeker, Lord Trevelyan needs your help" Solas repeats trying to shake her out of the fog of being pulled so quickly from her sleep. Cassandra feels for him next to her and realizes that her Inquisitor is missing from her side. A loud rumble of thunder and flash of lightning fill the cave showing that the storm is still as powerful as ever outside.

"Solas?" Cassandra asks, "What's happening?" The Seeker asks again this time with a little more force in her voice. She looks around the cave to see that Iron Bull is quickly picking up his hammer and running out into the storm.

"No time" Solas says shoving her sword and shield into her hands. Cassandra fumbles around in the almost complete darkness for her boots, the fire looked like it had been out for sometime. When she finds them she tugs them on quickly standing up, picking up her weapons and running outside following the sound of raised voices.

"Solas!" Cassandra shouts as she is engulfed by the powerful wind and soaked immediately by the rain. The Seeker brings her arm up shielding her face trying to see anything further ahead of her than her own hand. She could no longer see where she was going or where her companions were. What had Solace meant when he said Lord Trevelyan needed her help? Cassandra feels her heart begin to pound as she begins to panic about his safety.

"Bandits, Seeker" She feels Solas at her side once more pointing up towards a plateau of the cliff, shouting in her ear to be heard over the roar of the wind. "Commander Cullen went after them, The Inquisitor had to go and help him" He shouts again.

Cassandra feels her wave of panic be replaced by a wave of anger, if Commander Cullen had decided to play the hero and got himself into trouble she wouldn't be happy with him. She knew he was trying to prove himself, and probably out do the Inquisitor in the field. She fights against the weather feeling it begin to chill her to the bone.

"Where is Lord Trevelyan?" Cassandra shouts trying to fix her eyes on the Elf's face but finding it hard to focus with the freezing rain battering her face.

"They are outnumbered, Seeker" He shouts grabbing her arm pulling her along with him in the direction he last saw Commander Cullen and The Inquisitor. They begin to climb up the side of the slope, Cassandra trying to keep up with the agile Elf. She stumbles against the sodden grass and rock, her boots slipping on the unstable surface as they move as quickly as they can. As they begin to reach the top The Seeker can hear the sound of blade on blade and The Iron Bulls loud bellowing, but the sheet of rain makes it impossible to see what is going on.

"Ashton!" Cassandra shouts trying to locate him but hears nothing in return but the whistling in her ears and another loud rumble of thunder. Her eyes dart frantically between the dozen or more shapes of people that she can see unable to place anyone of them as her friends.

"Cullen, watch out!" The Inquisitor shouts dodging a blade that heads towards him while trying to warn the Commander of a blow that is aimed for him. Cassandra hears the Iron Bull roar with laughter when another flash of lightning lights up the sky and the battlefield. The Seeker can suddenly see how greatly outnumbered they are by a group of well-armed bandits and that Cullen and the Inquisitor are having to fight off too many. She watches as Bull takes another swing sending some more flying.

"Move Seeker" Solas yells running past her and towards the struggle. He lights up the ground with a large ring of fire sending some of the bandits running and setting some alight. Cassandra suddenly leaps to action realizing there seems to be no end of them but as soon as Solas' flames have died she can no longer see again and is left blind.

Solas lights up the sky again with sparks shooting from his staff, Cassandra takes the opportunity to raise her shield and run into the depths of the fighting knocking some of the bandits out of her way. She lifts her sword above her head swinging it towards them with a smooth and deadly accurate strike. The Seeker glances behind her when she hears a loud bang over the sound of the storm and sees that several of the bandits have knocked Cullen to the ground and are in the middle of disarming him.

"Cullen!" Cassandra shouts spinning on the spot and moving to his aid, she runs her blade through one of his assailants before moving onto another one. Lady Pentaghast sprints to his side knocking one from pinning him to the floor with a blade at his throat. "Come on Commander" She shouts again grabbing his hand dragging him to his feet, The Commander fixes his eyes on her best he can mouthing his thanks to her. Cassandra nods wiping the rain from her face as another deep rumble shakes the ground, she quickly looks around for the Inquisitor. "Where is he?" She yells at the Cullen.

"I can't see, it's too dark.. The storm.." Cullen shouts back bring his hand up to shield his eyes "He's there, Seeker" He says finally spotting the Inquisitor breaking away from the last of the bandits. Cassandra looks over her shoulder finally seeing him, she sigh with relief when she sees her love.

"This is from the Inquisition!" The Iron Bull roars as he swings knocking two more off of their feet making the remaining ones scatter. Cassandra stands frozen to the spot, the icy rain freezing her deep to her soul. She tries to look through the sheet rain wanting to make sure the fight is over and that he is okay. The Inquisitor wipes the rain from his face, his chest heaving from the effort of the fight; Cullen had placed them all in danger. The Seeker begins moving towards him as another large flash lights up the sky, Cassandra glances up feeling the rain pound onto her skin as she watches the forks of white electric spark above her. 

"Cass!" The Seeker hears him shouting, as she gets closer to him, she glances back to him suddenly seeing the expression on his face change. Cassandra frowns confused by the look on his face until he suddenly drops to his knees, both of his hands grasping at his stomach. She watches as he brings his hand up to his face seeing the bright red trickle through his fingers.

"No, No No!" Cassandra hears the scream leave her lips as she drops her sword and shield to the floor and runs as fast as her legs will carry her towards him. She briefly sees Solas send a ball of flame towards the last bandit that has driven his dagger into The Inquisitor and the Commander running to tackle the bandit to the floor.

"Cass.." She hears him say again a look of shock on his face as she sees his eyes search for hers in the dark. Cassandra sprints until her legs burn and reaches for him when he holds his blood covered hand out to her.

"Ashton" Cassandra sobs taking his hand in hers quickly dropping to kneel at his side, she wraps an arm around his shoulders holding him to her letting his weight press against her. Cullen is suddenly at her side helping her lay The Inquisitor out on the floor, his head in The Seekers lap. "No.. Maker, No" Cassandra cries moving her hands to cover his that he presses against the blade wound trying to stop the bleeding. The Seeker glances down at their hands seeing the large stain of red getting bigger, she looks back to his face seeing him pale.

"About time you showed up.." The Inquisitor says giving her a weak smile; Cassandra wraps an arm around his head holding him tightly, the other one pressing against his stomach. "I've had worse" He adds squeezing his eyes tight from the pain, he tries to sit up causing blood to spread quicker soaking his shirt.

"Don't move" Cassandra says pushing his shoulders onto the floor trying to keep him still. "We need to stop the bleeding" Cassandra looks up as Solas and The Iron Bull join them having made sure the area is safe again. "Solas.." she adds looking to the Elf.

"Lets get him back inside" Solas says kneeling close to them so they can hear him. "Keep pressure on the wound and lets move quickly," He adds looking at Cassandra.

"Lets go!" The Iron Bull shouts reaching down to pick Lord Trevelyan up. The Inquisitor lets out a large sob when he is moved. Cassandra presses her hand harder against the stab wound worried that she is hurting him further but heeding Solas' words. She watches as Commander Cullen gathers their weapons and begins making his way down the slope, his head bowed.

Cassandra paces in the small confines of the cave, Solas had managed to stop the bleeding, stitched and dressed The Inquisitors wound but it hadn't taken away the feeling of dread from the Seeker. She glances down at Lord Trevelyan who is laid out next to the fire, sleeping through the pain of his injury. Cassandra sighs, she hadn't had to see him like this since they found him just after Haven.

"He just needs rest and a few days to let it heal" Solas says quietly looking up at The Seeker. "We will have to return to Skyhold as soon as he is able" He adds dropping another piece of wood onto the fire. "That wasn't just a standard blade that caused that injury," Solas says looking over to the Inquisitor.

"Have you seen anything like it before?" Cassandra asks him trying to keep the worry from her voice.

"No" Solas says with a sigh "I've seen many things but nothing like that. I can't get magic to have any effect. That blade must have been made of something we don't know about" Solas adds "Or the magic attached to its surface is causing the damage. Whatever it is, we can't fix this with spells."

"When can we move him?" Cassandra asks sitting down on the floor again, she looks out of the cave seeing that the dawn will soon be with them but that the rain is still relentless. The Seeker places her hand against The Inquisitor's face rubbing her thumb against his cheek, he was cool under he hand.

"Not until we are certain the stitches will hold" Solas sighs. Cassandra nods knowing that they could be there for a while, they would struggle to get the Inquisitor back to Skyhold in this condition. The Seeker stretchers her legs out from under her, lying beside him. She rests her head against his chest listening to and feeling the slow thump beneath her cheek, only glancing up when she hears Commander Cullen step back into the cave.

"I've got some more wood.." He says as pulls down the hood of his cloak dropping some more wood for the fire onto the floor. Cassandra sees him look to her before quickly diverting his gaze away, she sees him rub the skin between his brow clearly in pain again. Cassandra feels bad for her friend before she remembers why this happened in the first place, Cullen had made a bad choice and had caused this.

"What did you hope to achieve?" Cassandra asks as she sits up again giving him a blank look, Cullen glances back to her looking confused. "Chasing after a group of bandits, I mean" The Seeker adds watching Cullen drop his head slightly shrugging his shoulders.

"It wasn't my fault" The Commander says quietly holding his hands up in surrender. Cassandra snorts hearing this, Cullen was a dear friend but he was only making her angrier with him. The Seeker notices the slight tremble in his hands and the sheen on his brow. He was really suffering from his withdrawal and it was starting to show all over his face, Cassandra knew everyone would start to notice that something was wrong with him.

"We need to talk. Solas..Bull.. Leave us" The Seeker says sternly turning to her companions. Cassandra sees that Solas is about to put up a fight abut going back outside in the rain, but one look at The Seekers face was enough to make him keep his mouth closed. The pair duck out of the cave leaving Cassandra alone with the Commander, apart from the sleeping Inquisitor. Lady Pentaghast watches them leave before turning back to her friend, he steps carefully past the Inquisitor moving further back from the mouth of their shelter.

"I didn't mean for this to happen Cassandra" The Commander begins quietly; he looks into her face seeing the mixture of worry and anger on it. Cassandra lets her eyes travel over his face, he looked terrible. The Seeker shrugs his hand away when he places it on her shoulder trying to sooth her anger.

"Did you fall asleep?" Cassandra asks coolly looking at him again.

"No" Cullen blurts out "I didn't fall asleep.. I just.. I didn't hear them coming.." He adds trying to avoid her eye; he turns his body slightly knowing she is going to interrogate him about what happened. Cassandra grabs his arm stopping him from leaving.

"Your lying Cassandra snaps, "The fire was out.. There were too many of them for you to think you could handle it. What were you thinking? Ashton could have.. The Inquisitor could have died because you wanted to play the hero? Is that it?" The Seeker pokes him in the chest feeling her anger rise, she hated being lied to and she hated people avoiding her eyes.

"I wasn't myself.." Cullen sighs rubbing his head again. "I lost control, I wasn't thinking.. I saw them poking around and that they were armed" He sighs again looking at her "I thought they might hurt you" The Commander places his hand on her arm. "I was trying to protect you" he adds catching her eyes.

"This isn't about _me_ " Cassandra hisses at him diverting her eyes to her sleeping lover on the floor, she prayed to the maker that he couldn't hear this conversation and it wasn't reaching him in his slumber.

"It is all about you" Cullen says quietly, he steps closer to her trying to close the space between them. "It's always been about you," He adds.

"Cullen" Cassandra sighs, this was getting too complicated. "You are going through a withdrawal, you aren't yourself and whatever this is that you are feeling" Cassandra pauses as she sees him roll his eyes. "It isn't real, it is the Lyrium withdrawal that makes you feel this way" she lowers her voice further suddenly feeling guilty that Lord Trevelyan is just feet away.

"You have no idea how it feels," Cullen says raising his voice slightly. He glances behind him to check he hasn't woken The Inquisitor. "You have no idea how it feels for me to see you with him" The Commander says again whispering this time.

"This isn't you Cullen" Cassandra whispers searching his face again, he was pale and there was an intense battle taking place behind his eyes. She places her hand on his shoulder trying to offer him some comfort; it had been a bad idea taking him away from the safety of Skyhold when he was struggling so much. "Please believe me when I tell you that this will pass, we just need to get you home" She adds moving her hand to his neck, he drops his head looking at his boots.

"I hate myself for the way that I want you" He mumbles. "Why would you pick him over me? I could take care of you Cassandra, we could be together and I would make you happy. You could love me as I love you" He adds looking at her again, he brings his hand up to her face giving her a small smile.

"You can't say these things," Cassandra says pulling his hand down again. "You don't love me. Don't let it distort your mind and feelings, Commander. You will make someone happy, but it isn't me. You will pass through this and forget all about me," She says softly trying to calm him.

"Do you love him?" Cullen asks crossing his arms across his chest.

"You know I do" Cassandra says looking down at her feet. "Why are we even talking about this? I need some air," She adds with a sigh. The Seeker suddenly feels Cullen move closer to her again, he places his hands against her face pressing his lips against hers. Cassandra freezes under his mouth not knowing what to do; she pushes him back from her quickly stepping away from him "What are you doing?" Cassandra shouts completely forgetting their need to be quiet. "You cannot just kiss me"

"I'm..I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to.." Cullen stammers "I'm so sorry Cass" he adds holding his hands up again, turning a bright shade of red embarrassed at his actions.

"Do not call me that," She snaps at him again poking him harder in the chest. "When we get back and you are over this withdrawal, I am going to remind you what a great friend I am for not telling him about this" She hisses. "Why did you even come with us?" She asks angrily.

"I wanted to be with you, to watch over you" Cullen says still feeling embarrassed.

"I don't need you watching over me" The Seeker snaps walking away from him.

-

Cassandra feels his weight that she is supporting increase as his body sags against her, she looks into his face seeing that he is looking paler than ever and his face is screwed up in pain. The Seeker wraps her arm tighter around his waist and grips her fingers around his wrist holding his arm around her neck, she looks up to the rest of the party ahead of her.

"We need to stop" Cassandra feels his knees begin to buckle next to her and threaten to throw them both off balance and onto the floor. Lady Pentaghast stops quickly moving in front of The Inquisitor placing her hands on his chest trying to prop him up. "You need to stay up Ash," She whispers to him as he drapes his arms around her struggling to stay upright. Cassandra feels Lord Trevelyan shake his head as he brings it down onto her shoulder.

"Just leave me here" The Inquisitor groans squeezing his eyes closed again, he grips his side as Cassandra sees the pain shoot through his body.

"I'll never leave you" The Seeker replies wrapping her arms around him, holding onto him until he feels ready to move again. "Get your breath back.." She says helping him lower himself to the floor. He cries out again as his body bends to a seated position, Cassandra kneels in front of him brushing her hand through his hair. Infection was obviously setting in and it was not a usual wound.

"Let me take him again, Seeker" The Iron Bull says moving to her side.

"We just need a moment," Cassandra says trying to take the moment of rest for herself too. "I can manage.." The Seeker sighs heavily feeing exhausted. They had been taking it in turns helping the Inquisitor and making very slow progress, the cold and muddy ground slowing them down even more than their wounded leader. Cassandra slumps onto the floor next to Lord Trevelyan watching as the others take the moment to offload their packs and rest. Cassandra glances up to check on Cullen, he had been agitated and on edge all morning. The Commander paces slightly, his hands restless and constantly moving.

"Are you doing okay Cullen?" The Seeker asks as she reaches for the small water pouch tied at her waist, she unscrews the cap leaning over to bring it to Lord Trevelyan's lips.

"He doesn't look very good" Cullen whispers to her still loud enough for everyone to hear. Cassandra looks to Lord Trevelyan who gives her a weak smile. He didn't look very good, but she had been trying to stamp down that bad thought and feeling since they had left their camp that morning. They had used up most of their supplies on him and it was taking far too long to return to Skyhold. Lady Pentaghast was starting to realize she was about to be faced with a big problem, her Inquisitor was deteriorating and The Commander was getting worse and could snap anytime.

"I'm alright" The Inquisitor replies weakly trying to lean forward so he can get to his feet, he doubles over again the pain pinning him to the floor. "Just help me up" He says again reaching out his hand. Cassandra takes his hand holding it against him trying to make him take advantage of the small break.

"I need to get back to Skyhold" Cullen whispers again, Cassandra sees how hard he is trying to not let his withdrawal take over. She had seen many Templars and Seekers get addicted to Lyrium and even more of them suffer through a withdrawal, she knew what terrible things could happen. The Seeker glances at Bull and Solas, they weren't stupid, they surely knew something was wrong with their Commander. 

"We are so close now" Cassandra looks up at him giving him a half smile, they weren't close but she needed to keep him calm. Cullen nods pacing again in front of them, Cassandra just watches for a moment beginning to feel helpless.

"We can do this Cass" Lord Trevelyan reaches for her hand again squeezing it. "Just help me up and lets go.." He says quietly placing his other hand against his side.

"I've got him," The Commander announces stepping in front of them. He kneels down taking hold of the Inquisitors hand wrapping it around his own neck; Cullen slowly gets to his feet supporting Lord Trevelyan on his shoulder. "Nice and steady, Inquisitor" Cassandra hears him mumble as he places his hand on the other mans side taking his weight against him. It makes her remember back to Haven, when they had found his body in the snow and Cullen had carried him back to camp. Cassandra accepts his hand to help her up too and eyes him not sure Cullen should be having extra pressure placed on him.

"I'm fine Seeker, lets get moving" Cullen says giving her a reassuring smile. "You go ahead with the others, ensure our path is clear" He adds nodding to her that they would be okay.

"Just be careful, we can swap again once we are over that ridge" Cassandra glances to Lord Trevelyan, she couldn't help but notice how grey his skin was looking and that every breath he took was labored and causing him pain. Solas had cast every healing spell he could think of but nothing had worked, they had ended up patching the wound the traditional way with a needle and thread. 

"Go on" Lord Trevelyan says again beginning to walk slowly with the help of his friend and Commander. Cassandra moves to catch up with Bull and Solas that have moved ahead slightly, she glances back at the Inquisitor and The Commander hoping they are going to be okay and she made the right decision entrusting her love with him.

"If I die Cullen," The Inquisitor says quietly so that Lady Penataghast and the rest of the group cant hear him. Cullen turns his head to look at his friend, he shakes his head.

"You aren't going to die, we will get you back to Skyhold" The Commander hisses at him, it wasn't like The Inquisitor to be negative and so defeatist. "Don't start talking like that Inquisitor," He adds stepping them carefully over a tree root.

"I've heard them talking" The Inquisitor says weakly "Even Solas doesn't know how to fix this, what will they do at Skyhold?" He asks glancing into The Commanders face.

"Lady Pentaghast sent a raven; they will know what's happened. Maybe they will have found out how to heal you by the time we return," The Commander says giving him a reassuring smile.

"If I die.. You have to take care of Cass" Lord Trevelyan says again quietly.

"Lady Pentaghast doesn't need taking care of" The Commander gives a small laugh. Lady Pentaghast was a force of nature, Cullen thought.

"That's where your wrong" The Inquisitor says with a small smile "She does need taking care of, she is more vulnerable and broken than you would know" He adds wincing as a wave of pain hits him again. "She is strong but she needs to know she is loved and appreciated. She isn't as cold as she can appear" He says glancing up at her ahead of them.

"I don't think she's cold.." Cullen says matching The Inquisitors gaze at the Seeker.

"Well that may be so" The Inquisitor sighs again trying to lift his feet higher to try and move a little faster than the snail pace they are moving at. "Most people don't know how she really is. They don't get to see the woman I love because she guards herself, she protects her heart and doesn't let many people in" He continues, The Commander opens his mouth to reply but starts to wonder where this conversation is going. "Cassandra considers you a friend.." He adds "So if I die, you have to look after her for me" Cullen watches The Inquisitor grab his side again struggling. The Commander wasn't feeling too great himself.

"You aren't going to die" Cullen says again flatly.

"Lady Pentaghast trusts you" The Inquisitor adds. Cullen nods his head, feeling guilty for airing his feelings to The Seeker when his friend is fighting to keep going. The Commander pushes back a branch as they keep moving forward deeper into the undergrowth, helping him navigate the difficult terrain. "I trust you, we are friends aren't we Cullen?" He asks giving her a genuine smile.

"I know she does. You can trust me, we are friends Ashton," The Commander says quietly avoiding his eyes. Cullen glances back to The Inquisitor again.

"So if you ever place your hands or mouth on her again.." The Inquisitor begins watching the colour drain from the Commander's face. He obviously hadn't been as asleep as they had thought. "This is the only time I'll warn you," He says fixing his eyes on Cullen.

"I understand" Cullen says quietly nodding, diverting his eyes from the Inquisitor trying to get out of his accusing gaze. "I'm sorry Inquisitor, for what you heard," He adds trying to keep the stammer from his voice. "It's the Lyrium.. I'm trying.. It won't happen again.. I promise," He says lowering his voice again.

"I know.." The Inquisitor replies weakly grasping his side again. The Commander holds him up onto his shoulder higher pressing on.

"Inquisitor.. They're coming" Cassandra says excitedly spotting them approaching their position, she turns back to where he is sat resting against a tree trying to get a response out of him. The Seeker sees that his breathing is shallow and his head is hanging loose against his own shoulder, unable to hold it up any longer. "The Inquisition forces are here to take us back" She says again crouching in front of The Inquisitor who appears to be slipping in and out of consciousness. Lady Pentaghast presses hand against his throat feeling his pulse flutter under her touch, she refused to let this happen again and have to go through the thought of losing him again.

"Lady Cassandra" She looks over her shoulder when the group of soldiers approach her, led by Commander Cullen. She looks up at him, he looked as drained and exhausted as she felt but he had made it to Skyhold and brought them to her aid.

"I told you to stay at Skyhold" Cassandra heard her voice waver as she climbs to her feet suddenly throwing her arms around Cullen, she was so relieved to see him and see that he had returned. He had left them sometime yesterday afternoon and they had obviously marched through the night to get back to her. The Commander wraps his arms around her hugging her tightly.

"I couldn't risk them not finding you both" Cullen says quietly letting go of her. "We need to get him back. They are working on curing him," The Commander adds watching as his soldiers between them lift The Inquisitor and begin carrying him. It wasn't too far back to Skyhold but when they could no longer rely on any of The Inquisitors own momentum they knew they needed more help. All of them were too exhausted to carry him any further.

"Be careful with him," Cassandra snaps following after them. "I can't believe you made it back and found us again" Cassandra says quietly turning to Cullen again. The Commander nods giving her a weak smile, he follows after he as they begin the last part of the trek back to Skyhold.

By the time they arrive in the mountains and at the gates of Skyhold, it is dark and the fortress is lit up by torches and fire pits awaiting their return. Cassandra lets out a sob of happiness when she passes through the archway and into the safety of its walls. The Seeker feels the Commander move to her side, placing his hand on her arm to comfort her.

"We're home Seeker" He says quietly guiding her forward by her arm. The Seeker looks up when they are surrounded by more hands and bodies rushing The Inquisitor and Cassandra to the medical tents and building.

"Cullen.." Cassandra begins turning to see that they are whisking her further away from the Commander; she notices the slump in his posture and the crease on his brow. The fight was still raging behind his eyes and he had only managed to keep the outburst he needed so desperately inside him by focusing on finding her. Cassandra knew he was going to have to let go and let his body fight through the withdrawal and that It wasn't going to be a restful evening for him. "Cullen" She shouts again making him look up.

"I know Seeker" The Commander nods dragging his tired body up the stairs willing his feet to move. Cassandra sees him head for his quarters, feeling sorry for him having to go through this on his own.

"Lady Cassandra" Solas appears at her side "I'm happy to see you made it back" The Elf says giving her a cool smile, Cassandra never thought she would hear such things from him. "They need to operate on The Inquisitor at once, Dorian and I have been searching for this magic everywhere" He says following her to the medical centre.

"Cut him further?" Cassandra asks her eyebrows raising in surprise. "What's going to happen to him?" She asks turning to look at him.

"The blade had powerful magic attached to it. They need to cut the fade touched.." Solas begins making Cassandra pale at the thought, she shakes her head holding up her hands.

"Please, spare me the details" Cassandra sighs "Just have them do what they must do" She sighs again. "Should I stay with him?" She asks glancing to the Elf again, he shakes his head making The Seeker feel relieved. She could feel her legs weaken under her weight and the thought of having to watch them hurt him further was too much.

"I'm sure The Commander would appreciate your company" Solas says flatly, Cassandra was sure he hadn't meant anything other than the Commander was a friend of hers but Cassandra still felt that his eyes were accusing.

"Make sure they find me if anything changes.." Cassandra says weakly, what she felt she was feeling saying was please tell me if he dies. The Seeker holds back a sob as she walks to stand next to The Inquisitor; she places a hand on his face looking down at him. She wanted to stay at his side so that he knew she was there but she couldn't stay and watch. "Anything Solas.." Cassandra adds sternly.

Solas bows his head to her watching as she flees the room letting them return to their work on The Inquisitor. The Seeker runs up the stone steps wanting to get as far away from the procedure as she could, she didn't want to be any part of it. Cassandra feels guilty for abandoning him and feels like everyone that is hanging around in the courtyard is looking at her. She finds herself walking quickly past the Inn and up the stairs, walking along the battlements to reach The Commander so that she doesn't have all eyes on her when she walks through Skyhold. The Seeker pauses when she reaches his door, she second-guesses herself deciding seeking comfort from a man that was clearly struggling with his feelings for her wasn't the best idea. Before she has chance to turn and leave Lady Pentaghast hears the sound of things being smashed inside the room and a loud crash against the door.

"Cullen" Cassandra calls through the door, she presses her ear against the door hearing something else being thrown against the wall. The Seeker bangs her fist against the door reaching for the handle, when she finds it locked she bangs her hands against the wood harder. "Let me in" She shouts hearing all go silent on the other side. "Cullen please, I can help you.." She presses her ear against the door again beginning to worry about him.

"You cant help me" Cassandra hears the Commander roar from behind his door, she hears another crash that sounds like him turning his bookcase over. "Leave me to deal with this on my own" She hears his muffled reply again and then quiet once more.

"Just unlock the door.." Cassandra says kneeling down bringing her mouth to the keyhole so she doesn't have to shout at him. The Seeker presses her eye to the hole trying to see if he is okay, it is completely dark in the room.

"If I unlock the door and you come in here.." Cassandra hears him reply, his voice on edge. She feels him slump against the door and hears the sound of him sitting on the hard stone floor on the other side. "I would break my promise to the Inquisitor" She hears him sigh. Cassandra sighs copying him, she lowers herself to the floor pressing her back against the door.

"What did you promise him?" Cassandra asks turning her face to press her cheek against the door; she listens for a moment hearing how quiet he has gone again. "Cullen" She says raising her voice.

"I'm here.." He says, lowering his voice to just above a whisper.

"I'm here." She replies to him pressing her hand against the door.

"Why aren't you with him? He needs you.." Cullen asks her, she feels his position shift the other side of the door and just catches sight of movement underneath it. Cassandra draws her knees up close to her body crossing her arms on top of them, even Cullen's tone was accusing.

"I'm scared he wont make it" Cassandra whispers lowering her head to rest on her arms. Cassandra longed for the day they could live their lives without fear of Bandits, Darkspawn, Corypheus or Fade Rifts trying to hurt them. All her friends and loved ones were in danger and she had no way to protect them.

"I promised him I wouldn't touch you" Cullen says finally answering her question. "I promised I wouldn't kiss you.. I told him it was the Lyrium" He adds, Cassandra sighs again. If it had been in another world, in another situation and in another life she would have chosen Cullen, but her heart belonged to The Inquisitor.

"Then don't break your promise" Cassandra says quietly rubbing her hands over her face. "It is the Lyrium," She adds leaning back against the door again. "Keep the door locked," she whispers to him.

"That's not what this is Seeker" She hears his frustrated sigh and him bang his hand against the door slightly making it shake against her back.

"Do not torment yourself over me Commander" Cassandra says quietly pressing her cheek to it again, she places her hand against the wood imagining that he has his hand in the same place as her.

"All it has done is make me lose control of my feelings," He says bringing his hand up to rest against the wood, imagining that she had her hand against it on the other side. "Feelings I can usually keep in check" He adds pressing his forehead against the door.

"They must remain in check Cullen.." Cassandra says quietly trying to picture him on the other side; she imagined he would be nodding at her, as he always seemed to do. "Cullen.." She says again with a sigh.

"I understand Cassandra" She hears his quiet reply. "This door will remain locked," He adds as Cassandra glances down when she sees movement on the stone floor. The Seeker sees a metal key being pushed under the small gap and the Commanders fingers. "Until you decide to unlock it," He adds removing his hand. Cassandra reaches for it picking it up between her fingers.

"What if I decide to leave it locked?" She asks turning it over in her hands.

"Then we wont talk of this again" The Commander replies, she feels him move again so places her hand against it again. "I will always be your friend Cassandra, I will always be here when you need me. Go to Ashton, I'll be okay" He adds before moving away from the door.

"Cullen?" Cassandra says listening for him again but it has gone quiet. The Seeker glances down at the key in her hand, the door had to remain locked. She wasn't allowed to unlock it and let them have access to each other.

"Thank you for being my friend" Cassandra says against the door finally getting to her feet. She tucks the key into her pocket reminding herself to put it somewhere safe when she managed to return to her quarters. The Seeker walks away from the locked door and back through the battlements and down the stairs to go and seek comfort in her love, The Inquisitor. 


End file.
